Staying Close to Everyone, or Not at All (My Facebook Journey)

 

I no longer have contact with any of my childhood friends. After I moved from my hometown to a school hostel, I made some new friends, but most of them faded from my life a long time ago. A couple of years ago, thanks to Facebook, I reconnected with a few school friends, but even now, they are no longer the same—neither in appearance nor in their lives. Then there were my seven closest college friends, but they’re no longer part of my Facebook world either.

I think my Facebook journey began around 2007/08, during my time working in Los Angeles. In the early days, my connections were limited to a few colleagues, some relatives living abroad, and a handful of close family members. Over time, thanks to Facebook, I found many of my closest and most cherished faces from university. During my days at Oxford University, I was active in the student union and a part of several cultural groups. I was also into writing, and beyond my dorm mates, there were countless familiar and beloved faces in those days.

Some of these faces had faded into obscurity, and finding them again brought immense joy. Today, my Facebook world is filled with a mix of old and new connections. Through different groups, I’ve also found a few friends I’ve never met in person but feel incredibly close to. I’ve even gained a small circle of younger siblings—brothers and sisters—who have formed a nurturing, affectionate little world around me.

Despite all this, I have a very small number of close friends—people who come to mind first in both my happiest and hardest times. Even if we don’t talk or meet every day, they remain deeply etched in my heart. There are also a handful of people with whom I may only exchange a word or two on birthdays, but when I do talk to them, my throat tightens, tears flow, and I silently think, “I know you’ll understand why I haven’t called in so long.”

Nowadays, even though I want to spend more time on Facebook, life doesn’t allow it. By the time I log in, most of my time is spent doing routine tasks—wishing someone on their birthday, reacting to significant issues happening back home that I simply can’t stay silent about, or replying to a few urgent messages. For those of us living abroad, this virtual world plays a massive role in our lives—something all expatriates would understand!

A small corner of my mind is always with my home country. Interestingly, I was never too interested in plays or other programs while in the U.S., but now, they’ve become one of my biggest sources of entertainment.

Life is a whirlwind of work—cooking, cleaning, taking care of my child, checking in on family back home. After all that, writing a long message to a dear friend just isn’t always possible, even though it’s not like I don’t think about them or miss them.

Today, I’m sharing all this because a junior friend of mine called to complain. She recently became a mother, and I haven’t been able to visit her yet due to various complications. Life feels so strange sometimes! For the past four or five months, I’ve been stuck in a fog—unable to untangle the stresses and chaos of life despite my efforts. In moments like these, I sometimes feel distant from a few close people. But I trust that those who love me will never misunderstand me.

Even so, I want to say that fighting through challenging times leaves me a little exhausted. I always hope to shake it off and go back to how things used to be, but somehow, it never really happens. Sending someone a friend request on Facebook isn’t a crime, but not accepting someone into your circle shouldn’t be one either. I already have a small but fulfilling world made up of my closest school, college, university, and work friends, as well as siblings and cousins. I want to share my thoughts and emotions with these friends and stay connected with them.

That said, there are some accomplished individuals who make me feel honored when they send me a request. But then there are others—who lack basic courtesy—who send requests without any prior introduction. Why would someone want to be friends without providing any context or reason? Has the word “friend” lost its meaning today?

Every person could easily have 200-300 contacts just by connecting with their school, college, university, or work circles, plus family and relatives. And just staying in touch with these people is already a challenge. For someone who isn’t a celebrity, what’s the point of having 1,000 friends?

Please, before sending a friend request, think twice—who is this person, and why are you connecting with them? Simply calling someone a “friend” doesn’t make them one. If someone is truly familiar to me, I can send them a straightforward request. But sending a request to someone just because they have a nice profile picture—when will some people outgrow this mentality?

I deeply love and cherish everyone already in my Facebook contact list. I want to remain a part of their close, heartfelt world. Once again, I say, I want to live in a Facebook world filled with love and sincerity—or not at all.